In theme of International Friendship month I have fundraised (donors listed below) over $200 to get 40 of my recently published “The Friendship Effect” books to give to Casa Grande High School’s Human Interaction classes.
Since then I have met with one of the wonderful Human Interaction teacher’s Lynne Moquete. We have come up with a great lesson plan for her students based on my book.
I also have recently learned about a local hero, Petaluma Batman and his good deeds. I thought that he was the epitome of a great friend and decided it would be wonderful to partner up and do a good deed for Friendship month.
Petaluma Batman was more than happy to be of help and support my book’s cause: to help people and the world through the power of friendships.
This Monday the 11th Petaluma Batman and I will be in Mrs. Moquete’s first period class giving out my books and teaching our lesson. Petaluma Batman needs to attend to other business after the first class. I and Mrs. Moquete will be at Casa the remainder of the day teaching her final two classes and handing out the remainder of the books.
The student’s will learn about the two parts of my book. Part one, how to first be a true friend to yourself. Part two, how to be, create and maintain long lasting genuine friendships in today’s fast pace world. They will then begin to think about what it is they love and or think is really cool about themselves. This is a key part to being a good friend because once they know what it is they love about themselves they can act authentically to themselves and can show others the real them, which will attract more friends to them.
They will then learn about what judging is: examples of it, how it feels and how to refrain from judging others and the importance of that in friendships.
They will partner up with a uncommon partner and through prompt questions will get to know who their partner is behind their physical appearance and what they think they know about them. This exercise will allow the partners to find out how unique and special their partner is while eliminating previous judgments.
I am very excited to be teaching and spreading the importance and power of friendships to students at Casa Grande High School. High School is a time where many students are judged, feel alone and are without friends. My hope is to help these students and those also who already have friends to be better friends and to maintain their friendships.
I will write another blog after the day of teaching to relay how it all went.
I want to thank again the following people for their very generous monetary donations for making this event a reality: Lindsey Wert, Kelly Harness, Emelina Minero, Iris Dolowitz Tarou, John Holme, Wise Social Therapy, Angela Bruno, Julie Morely, Ben Parodi, Meghan Cremidis and Charlene Cunningham. THANK YOU:)
Dual Book Signing in Sonoma – Proceeds go to Sonoma Market’s choice of The Sonoma Boys and Girls Club
In honor of February being International Friendship month my mother Michelle Minero and I are doing a dual book signing/meet and greet Thursday, February 28th from 7-9pm at Reader’s Books Bookstore in Sonoma, CA.
My mother and I’s books proceeds and a portion of Reader’s Books proceeds for that day and the event will be donated to the Sonoma Boys and Girls Club. Sonoma Market’s manager Al Minero chose this foundation to be the recipient of the proceeds. He believed that The Boys and Girls Club would be a great choice to give the proceeds to as the Club reaches out to children in need, giving them support, encouragement and guidance; all friendship qualities.
Michelle Minero, recently published a book called: “Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works” a book that focuses on loving oneself and being kind to our bodies as a few of the many ingredients of the Self-Love Diet, versus other typical diets where one tends to neglect the bodies natural needs. Michelle is a licensed marriage family therapist who specializes in eating disorder recovery. She created an intensive outpatient eating disorder program in 2000 and in 2005 founded EDRS (Eating Disorder Recovery Support, Inc.). Her dream is to see a world filled with people who love themselves and their bodies.
My book, “The Friendship Effect” is a two-part book that will teach you all you need to know to be a true friend and to create long-lasting genuine friendships. Part one focuses on being a friend to yourself and living a life based on what makes you happy, which will inevitably attract more friends your way. Part two spotlights the secrets to being a true friend, creating and sustaining lifelong friendships while showing why and how friendships are lifesaving and world changing. An array of studies and life-changing programs from gurus from around the world are also embedded throughout this book to assist you in creating a life that you are passionate about while making friendships.
My mother and I are both passionate about helping others and making the world a better place which is why we wrote our books, to spread our messages to as many people as we can. We are excited to be able to help a great local organization such as The Boys and Girl’s Club along the way.
Please join us and bring your friends and family, Thursday, February 28th from 7-9pm for this special event and help a great cause at the same time.
130 E. Napa Street
Sonoma, CA, 95476
If you have any questions about this event please feel free to email me at: email@example.com
For the last couple weeks I have been in contact with Amista Vineyards Tasting Room Manager, Larri Ann Davis to partner up in spreading my and Amista Vineyard’s joint passion: friendships. Amista translates as “it makes friends” which is exactly what Amista Vineyards does to every person who walks through their door.
Today I was able to visit Amista Vineyards for the first time and as I was turning into their lot their sign instantly caught my attention; which has their name on it: Amista Vineyards then a semi circle connecting their name, which I later found out represented unity.
When I walked through the door of Amista I instantly felt great energy. The ambiance was cozy, relaxing and still was able to be fashionable in it’s colors, furniture and art work. There were fresh flowers around which made Amista feel alive.
I only saw one guy who I assumed was Patrick who I spoke with on the phone before I came and he accepted my hug with comfort as we were already friends. I then saw a lady walk out into the Tasting Room who I assumed was Larri Ann and she also was very receptive to my hug and had such a welcoming, sincere smile.
Larri Ann then proceeded to compliment my book that I had sent her earlier and said that her and the owner of Amista felt that we all were on the same page in regards to the importance and power of friendships. I loved when Larri Ann told me that one of Amista’s goals was to have everyone who walked in feel like they were at home: comfortable and welcome. That is exactly how I felt.
I am excited to share that Amista Vineyards and I will be partnering up Saturday February 16th, 2013. They will be pairing their Sparkling Syrah with chocolate dipped strawberries in theme of Valentine’s day weekend. This pairing will begin the 14th and end the 17th, from 11-4:30pm.
I will be partaking on the Saturday the 16th from 1-4:30pm. I will be doing a meet and greet/book signing where my book will be available to purchase.
I am really excited for the beginning of a great partnership and friendship with Amista Vineyards.
We would love to have more friends join us: please come and have some great Sparkling Syrah, chocolate dipped strawberries and learn about the power of friendships and how they can better the lives of people and the world through my book, “The Friendship Effect.”
For more information on “The Friendship Effect” please check out the website below:
For more information about Amista Vineyards please check out their website below:
Hope to see you all on Saturday, February 16th from 1-4:30pm:)
As a first time mom I have found that my time in the day is used a lot differently than it was before my daughter.
Before my daughter Ninel, if there was a task I wanted to start and finish in the same day or couple days I could do it. Maybe I would have to dedicate most of my day to the task, though I could get it done if I chose to put all of my time towards it.
Up until a couple months ago, I felt if there was a task, especially a writing and or computer related task that I really wanted to accomplish that it would take way longer than a day or two to complete. With my fifteen month old daughter I felt like a couple day task turned into a couple week task. My day would seem to fly by with feeding, toileting, cleaning, cooking and making sure my daughter had an enriching and fun, loving day. I would tell my husband that in order for me to get anything done that needed more attention and detail that I would have to do it late into the night or early morning when Ninel was still sleeping, or else it would take forever.
It wasn’t until a couple months ago that I learned that this belief I had was not a hundred percent true. I recently published and e-book called, The Friendship Effect, which I had been writing for six years. Before I began the publishing process I had been waiting to save enough money to pay for an amazing editor who I had wanted to work with for years. After a couple months of waiting, I could not stand it anymore. I was and am so passionate about the message in my book and the belief that it could help others and the world that I couldn’t wait a second longer; I wanted to get it out there.
At this same time, I also had a talk on my book that was coming up in two weeks. I made a decision that my book was going to be published as an e-book and ready for anyone who wanted to purchase it by the date of my talk.
It definitely took a lot of work to meet that goal. I did not end up using the editor I had anticipated though still used an absolutely amazing, efficient and talented editor for a more economical fee. I did stay up late into the nights and early mornings and did take up coffee for those two weeks:) I also learned that it was okay to let my daughter “be” when I was in the same room with her on the computer. I learned that I did not always have to be teaching her something or be right by her side. I believe this lesson for me also benefited Ninel, because it also taught her how to be even more independent and allowed her to do what she wanted during these times.
I was fortunate to grow up knowing that anything is possible. It was nice to be able to put that belief into action again while simultaneously taking care of my young daughter. Since then my book is available via all major retailer online book stores, some including Amazon.com and Smashwords.com. I chose not to stop there. I was grateful to have an article in my local paper in regards to my book: http://town.blogs.petaluma360.com/11645/writing-the-book-on-friendship/
I also created a Friendship Effect contest to spread the word about the power of friendships via my book, which is still in full force until August 31st: http://www.facebook.com/events/347073882036989/
I am currently in the works of getting my book in a paperback form. This will be another met goal in one to two months via Amazon.com.
If I want to make something happen or achieve it, no one is in my way but me. Anything is possible and that is so exciting and invigorating. Have a wonderful rest of your day:)
How important is friendship to you is a good question to consider. Friendships are as important as you make them. The answer I personally choose is: very important. I am a first time mother, in love with motherhood and my 15 month year old daughter, Ninel. I also am in love with my friendships. I am grateful for an array of amazing friendships, one in particular with my best friend, Kelly. We met over ten years ago in college, her from Canada, me from Northern California.
Several months ago, Kelly’s husband called me the second year in a row to come visit and possibly surprise Kelly for her birthday in Oregon. Of course it was extremely challenging to make it happen the year before for her 30th birthday as Ninel was only two months old.
I received his voice mail returning from the gym and called him back and said that of course I would LOVE to come though I would have to check our financials and check in with my husband Matt. I also told him that it would be my first time away from Ninel.
Matt’s mom and sister were in California at the time from Hawaii. Also, I am a stay at home mom and not bringing in an income. So I figured it was not the best time to bring it up with my husband. None the less I went online and searched flights that I found were under $300. I texted Pax that I would love to come though we could not afford it. Instantly, his response was, “I’ll throw down.”
Later that night, my husband Matt noticed I was online flight searching and asked, “What are you searching for?” I told him, “Pax called me to go see Kel for her birthday.”
I told him that Pax was willing to put money into the trip and he said see what you find.
In conclusion, we made it work. My husband was great and missed one of his few paddling tournaments that Saturday to watch our daughter while I was away. I left Saturday morning and returned Monday afternoon. That Monday Matt brought Ninel to my parents before he went to work. My parents picked me up that Monday at the airport with Ninel. It was a group effort and was not easy to make it work. For me, it was worth all the work and planning to go see my best friend.
The night before I left after I put Ninel down to bed, I came out of her room bawling. Matt said, “What’s wrong babe is, is it your grandma, is she okay?” I answered, “It just hit me that I am leaving Ninel for the first time.” Not only was it a lot of work to plan to be away though it was a lot of work on my heart to leave my daughter.
Again, I will ask, How important is friendship? For me, it is priceless. It is worth tears over missing my daughter before I even left her. Weeks before leaving my daughter I told my husband and Kelly, “I know this comparison is completely different, but similar: “It was the same reason I wanted to have a natural birth with Ninel. I wanted to teach her before she would be able to even realize that as a woman anything is possible, such as a natural birth. The same goes for this trip. How great it will be for Ninel to tell the story that the first time her mom left her was to go visit her best girlfriend.”
This trip will convey to Ninel when she is older how important it is to make an effort to maintain your friendships and have an independent, balanced life as a mother.
In all, so much in life happens: whether is it is children, marriage, new jobs, school, etc. To maintain friendships amongst it all is a choice. To choose friendships is such a great choice. It will keep your life balanced and make your life happier because of it. Whatever continues to come into my life, I know that I will continue to choose my friendships when I can. Thank you for your time to read this blog and have a wonderful rest of your day.
The Friendship Effect contest’s purpose is to spread the word about the power of friendships in order to help better lives and the world via the book, The Friendship Effect.
WHAT YOU CAN WIN:
GRAND PRIZE (whoever gets the most points):
• $25 gift card to Amazon.com
• 5 free copies of The Friendship Effect to gift to others
• A 30-minute Skype, phone, or email consult with Renee Ho where you can ask any general friendship questions you have. Questions can also be more specific in regards to a certain friendship situation you need help and or advice on. You can also gift this consult to a friend you think may benefit from it.
• The winner will be featured on my blog, with a picture and write up. (http://thefriendshipeffect.com/)
• The winner will also be featured in my monthly newsletter with a picture and write up.
• Friendship Effect inspirational quotes.
• Free copy of Chapter 28 (Instrument or Ornament How do you treat your body?) from the upcoming book, Self-Love: The Only Diet That Works, by Michelle Minero.
• Free copy of “Beginning Guide to Influencing the Internet” by Emelina Minero, a guide to setting up your own website or blog and strengthening your online platform through social media via Community Bucket List.
• Free copy of “A Guide to Gay” by Emelina Minero, a LGBTQ entertainment, culture and resource guide via The Human Experience.
• Free Hypnosis prosperity download from Yvonne Oswald, author of “Every Word Has Power.”
• 2 free 1-year subscriptions to a fun personal growth application (Crittr.co-me analytics) from Katie Benedetto-Owner/Web Developer of Yellow Rubber Ball.
• 2 signed copies of the book, “Gifts By The Side Of The Road” by author and contributor to Chicken Soup for the Soul, Jack Schlatter.
WHAT YOU WIN WITH 30 POINTS:
• 2 free ebooks to gift
• Friendship Effect inspirational quotes
HOW TO WIN/POINT SYSTEM:
• 10 pts- get a friend to purchase my book from Amazon.com or Smashwords.com. (Email me your friend’s purchase receipt at firstname.lastname@example.org)
• 10 pts- write a book review for The Friendship Effect on Amazon.com (http://goo.gl/G5vW0) (Inform me at email@example.com about your review)
• 10 pts- write a book review for The Friendship Effect on Smashwords.com (http://goo.gl/OkL9w) (Inform me at firstname.lastname@example.org about your review)
• 10 pts- commit a positive act towards a friend and/or stranger and document how it positively affected them and yourself at http://thefriendshipeffect.com/testimonies-that-friendships-can-change-lives-and-the-world/ (Inform me at email@example.com when you’re done)
SHARE THE FRIENDSHIP EFFECT ON FACEBOOK:
(make sure to tag @The Friendship Effect FB group in your posts, which will inform me that you shared the links. To tag The Friendship Effect, join the FB group http://goo.gl/zlz9B.)
• 5 pts- share the FB contest event page on FB by posting the below status:
Join @The Friendship Effect contest and strengthen your friendships in the process.http://goo.gl/dga3j
• 5 pts- share the Amazon or Smashwords link to purchase The Friendship Effect on FB by posting the below statuses:
Read @The Friendship Effect to better your friendships and the world. http://goo.gl/G5vW0
Read @The Friendship Effect to learn how to create and sustain long-lasting friendships.http://goo.gl/OkL9w
• 5 pts- share a link to The Friendship Effect website on FB by posting the below status:
Learn how to be a better friend to yourself and others and how friendships can better the world. Find out more about @The Friendship Effect http://goo.gl/Z2njI
SHARE THE FRIENDSHIP EFFECT ON TWITTER:
• 5 pts- share the FB contest event page on Twitter by tweeting:
Join The Friendship Effect contest and strengthen your friendships in the process.http://goo.gl/dga3j via @friendeffect
• 5 pts- share the Amazon or Smashwords link to purchase The Friendship Effect on Twitter by tweeting:
Read The Friendship Effect to better your friendships and the world. http://goo.gl/G5vW0 via @friendeffect
Read The Friendship Effect to learn how to create and sustain long-lasting friendships.http://goo.gl/OkL9w via @friendeffect
• 5 pts- share a link to The Friendship Effect website on Twitter by tweeting:
Learn how to be a better friend to yourself and others and how friendships can better the world. http://goo.gl/Z2njI via @friendeffect
* Possibility of more prizes to win throughout the contest:)
• The contest begins: Sunday August 5th (National Friendship Day) at 10am Pacific time.
The contest ends: Saturday September 1st at 11:59pm Pacific time.
• Any questions please email Renee Ho at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Give yourself permission to like yourself and others for who they are versus what they look like or choices that are made
One of the important factors of being a great friend is to refrain from judging others. Before we can be a great friend to others we must first be a great friend to our self. This means that we must begin and learn to like our self for who we are versus what we look like and choices that we make.
I know especially in today’s society it is so easy to take a look in the mirror and find one thing or more that might lead us to say in our mind or out loud, “I look so tired”, “I feel fat”, “I wish my face would clear up” and the list can go on.
We do the same with friends and or people we see or meet on a daily basis, sometimes even unconsciously; “Why would they ever wear that?”, “What a grump that person did not smile back at me” and again the list can go on.
The thing is we really have no clue what is going on in others’ lives. Maybe the person wearing a very “interesting” outfit is wearing something that their husband or child gave them as a gift. Possibly the person that did not smile back at you is one of the most cheerful people though was upset when you smiled because a loved one is sick.
Make a conscious effort to get to know someone instead of making a quick judgment about them. What you find out about people can be a pleasant surprise, maybe what you least expected. When we refrain from judging others more friendships come our way, because we are open to getting to know more people.
Now back to ourselves. I know we are our own worst critics. I challenge you right now to think of one thing you really like about yourself. Is it the way you make others laugh? Your thick hair? That you are a great worker? Great guitar player? Great cook? The way you can read a book in one day? That you are a great listener to others?
Now think of another thing you like about yourself…
This is a great start; you now have two things that you really like about yourself. I urge you to think in your mind or write down as many things that you can think of that you like and or proud of about yourself. Whenever that sneaky mind talk comes into your mind and begins to chalk off those things that “You don’t love about yourself” retaliate and name off something that you do love about yourself.
If it’s helpful keep the list of what you really like about yourself in your wallet, purse, bathroom mirror or on your refrigerator. That way you can refer to it when needed.
Okay, now on to giving yourself permission to love yourself the way you are when it may be challenging to. Prime example is me and ice cream, cookies, chocolate and all dessert for that matter. I love desserts they are definitely my vice. The majority of the time when I eat desserts (which is quite often, at least two times a week or more) I tend to feel bad about it the next day. Sometimes I eat them because I truly do love them and other times because it has become a pattern of something I do when I’m bored or feeling unbalanced.
Last night was so breakthrough for me because I gave myself permission to eat dessert without feeling guilty and I did. It was one of the first times in a while where I woke up from eating dessert and did not feel bad about it in some way. I know it is because I gave myself permission to do it without judgment.
You can choose to give yourself permission to love yourself how you are even when you may make decisions that may not always sit right with you. In saying that of course I choose to not give myself permission to eat desserts seven times a week, because I know that will not make me feel good, even if I do give myself permission:) Be aware of what makes you feel good in your life and not. If there is something in your life that you may not love you can also give yourself permission to change it.
So for me today I am happy with myself for eating my desserts last night, the peanut butter cup ice cream and chocolate chip cookies were good:) If a time comes and I am sure it will where I feel guilty for eating desserts or anything else for that matter I will even the score and remind myself what I like and or am proud about in myself.
So begin today and give yourself permission to like yourself and others for who they are versus what they look like or choices that are made.
Author of “The Friendship Effect”
If you have any friendship questions that you want some advice, clarity, or another view point on submit your question to the “Dear Renee” section on my website. Similar to “Dear Abby” this Dear Renee section is geared to provide you with a safe, judgmental free and genuine answer to all of your friendship questions. Your questions can be general or specific to a certain situation within your friendships. http://thefriendshipeffect.com/dear-renee/
I typically say that it is very important to keep high standards in your friendships; such as talking to your long distance friends on the phone and seeing your local friends on a consistent basis. By doing this you sustain your friendships and keep them strong.
I have a caveat to my own advice which is this: If you’re comfy, take it. Allow me to explain. Two years ago I moved back to California where I am originally from. Here I have more access to physically see my friends who I grew up with.
Since I have been in California, when I keep in touch with my friends I definitely prefer to see them in person versus on the phone. My logic is: We are close by so why spend the same time being on the phone when we are five to fifteen minutes away and we can see each other in person?
One of my best friends who lives close by to me would always call me and I know she wanted to have a long conversation. Of course I would always talk with my friend. Though, in the back of my mind I always thought, “I wish we could have this conversation in person.”
Time is a precious commodity for me, especially now having an eight month old daughter. So, an hour or more conversation on the phone is a big part of my day when the majority of the rest of it is spent with my daughter.
I recently came to realize that even if your friends are local, a phone conversation can be just as great as hanging out in person. I had been trying to make plans with this same friend for a couple weeks and it was very challenging to find even an hour to spend time together with our schedules. I called her and tried to make it easier by telling her I could come to her on any break she had even if it was for an hour or less. The outcome was she was so busy that I even accommodating her did not make it feasible for her to be able to hang out.
My conversation which was initiated to find a time to hang out turned in to over an hour conversation about our lives. It was the first time we talked on the phone and I was able to enjoy the conversation without any voices in the back of my head saying, “I wish we could be having this conversation in person.”
Maybe I was comfy with our phone chat because I finally realized how busy my friend really was, or how busy I was too? Either way the important thing is that I was “comfy.” In the past I would have thought that I was dropping my friendship standards by accepting the fact that we had not seen each other in person for a while. Now, I know that I am doing the opposite by having consistent phone conversations with my friend; I am keeping our friendship standards high.
Think about your friendships. If you and your friend are “comfy” with the way you keep your friendship strong, whether it is seeing each other in person or not, that is all that matters. If you are comfy with the groove you have then “take it.” Now that I am comfy with my friend and I’s phone conversations I will take them; since she is so busy. I will gladly take what I can get, especially if it means keeping an important friendship intact.
What is NLP and what does it stand for?
a). Nice little people
b). Never loved peas
c). Neuro Linguistic Programming
d). Ninja lamp pilates
If you guessed a), Nice little people, then you are close because NLP does help foster making people more happy. Though the true answer is c), Neuro Linguistic Programming. Now that you know what NLP stands for let me tell you what it means. NLP explores the relationships between how we think, how we express our thoughts and our patterns of behavior and emotion. NLP has the ability to get direct access to our past life experiences stored at deep levels of mind. Then NLP takes these past life experiences and reassembles the connections we had with them to present day connections and creates new possibilities in all areas of life. I’ll be talking about it specifically in regard to friendships1.
Using NLP techniques will allow you to make a distinction between a friend’s behavior and help you look at the meaning you give that behavior. Think about how often the meaning you attribute to someone’s behavior can lead you to a place of frustration and wasted energy, when in retrospect your understanding of that behavior may be inaccurate.
Marilou Seavey2 is an expert with over 25 years of experience in NLP. Seavey says that studies show that only 50% of one’s “mind talk” (perceptions) is correct. If you agree with your mind talk 100% of the day that means that what you perceive things to be are only 50% accurate. For example, you may inaccurately perceive your friend is upset with you when really she is upset because a loved one is ill. You may dissipate energy focusing on why your friend is upset when your assumption is untrue. The time you spend on this untrue assumption can drain and effect your day. I know this for a fact.
I am grateful to say that I have a true best friend. Her name is Kelly. We have been friends since we met in college over ten years ago. Over the years our lives have gone in as opposite directions as possible. Kelly lives in Oregon with her husband and is in her second year in dental school. I am in California and am teaching and raising my seventh month year old daughter. The one thing we do currently have in common is that we both are extremely busy, just in completely different ways.
Over the past couple of years Kelly and I’s daily phone conversations have turned into a week or couple week conversations. Recently Kelly had finals for school and it had been a long while since we spoke. My “mind talk” was starting to get the best of me. Since the last time Kelly and I had spoken I had some challenges acclimating to being a new mother. Typically I would spill my heart to Kelly first chance we are able to talk, without hesitation. Though time had passed since we had spoken and my mind started to play tricks on me.
It was telling me lies like, Kelly will probably sarcastically think, “Oh your life is really tough Renee. You have to raise your daughter, keep the house up, teach and balance yourself; while I am in dental school, barely able to find time to eat and having to take eleven finals (really had to) in one week.” These thoughts floated through my head and they were starting to affect me and make me not feel great. I began creating all of these hypothetical conversations we might have, me trying to explain myself and why at times being a mom is trying. I even convinced myself after talking to my husband that I would just have to vent to other moms who would instantly understand where I was coming from.
The time came When Kelly was able to call. Before I picked up the phone, for a split second I thought, “Should I even vent and tell her about my challenges being a new mommy or not?”
This was a clear example of how our mind talk and what we perceive is only correct 50% of the time. The second I heard Kelly’s voice and had begun talking and telling her about what had been going on for me it was like all was healed. Even though it had been a long time since we had spoken it was like I had just spoken with her the day before. She may not have been able to relate to me as another mother, but it didn’t matter because she knows me and was able to relate to me as my best friend.
So, next time you begin to focus in on some mind talk that is affecting you in a not so amazing way, ask yourself…Do I know this to be true? The chance that it is true is just about as good as your chance of landing on red playing roulette; fifty, fifty.
1: If you are interested in more information on NLP in regards to friendship you can sign up to my subscriber list at: www.thefriendshipeffect.com Once my book, “The Friendship Effect” is available I will let you know. There are two chapters dedicated to NLP. Once which teaches a framework which conveys how you can make the distinction in situations with your friends between what is true and what is not, and eliminate inaccurate perceptions. The other chapter explains in great detail effective communication through NLP.
2: Further information on NLP can be found on one of Marilou Seavey’s website: http://www.mindbridgetraining.com.
We all sure know we are in the midst of the holiday season. Along with this time comes stress mixed with love in getting presents taken care of; enjoying and equally hating those holiday desserts that you are unable stop eating and nostalgia on another year which flew by so quickly.
It is important to remember during this busy time to make time for our friendships. It is so easy to spend those extra several minutes or hours sending out more holiday cards, wrapping presents, getting one last gift in the jungle of determined shoppers. Then on top of the holiday to do list we still have our day to day lives to keep up, such as cooking, cleaning, working, going to school, taking care of our kids and oh yeah ourselves:)
To make time for our friendships during this demanding time almost seems impossible. What I do know is that if a rat can do it so can we. Of course a rat does not have all the holiday demands (besides eating chocolate) on their plates, but they do have choices to make, as do we.
Neurobiologist Peggy Mason of the University of Chicago and her colleagues did a series of experiments with rats. In one cage they trapped one rat in a plexiglass tube and let another free. The free rat even when enticed with chocolate chips still first went to free his cage mate. After his cage mate was free he then proceeded to share his chocolate with him. Wow, is what I say to this. Rats have the emotional set up to sacrifice their personal gain (chocolate) to help a fellow rat. Again, if a rat can make choices such as those so can we.
During this holiday time choose friendships. Ditch the sweets and other demands to the curb for a while or don’t ditch them at all, share them with your friends as the rats did.
Spending time with your friends during this holiday time will alleviate some of your holiday stress and overall make you feel better. Again, what is true for rodents is true for us. Jeffrey Mogil is a psychologist at McGill University in Montreal.Work in Mogil’s lab has shown that when mice are given a temporary stomach pain, their female cage mates will go spend more time near them. And the more time their cage mates spend with them, the less pain behavior the mice will show — suggesting that the extra companionship is in response to the pain and that it actually helps in alleviating it.
Whether you or a friend has stomach pain or other stresses be a pal to her and yourself and spend time together. Incorporate your friends into what you still may need to get done. If you still need to shop, shop together. In my book, The Friendship Effect, there are more studies and facts conveying that friendship and companionship are physically and mentally life changing and saving.
The next time you see your caller id displaying your friend’s name or a friend asks you to hang out, before you instantly say “no” or don’t pick up the phone because of the million things you have to do…remember the rats that not only chose to help their friends but also shared their chocolate with them. If they can do it, so can we. Enjoy the rest of your holiday season:)