What is NLP and what does it stand for?

a). Nice little people

b). Never loved peas

c). Neuro Linguistic Programming

d). Ninja lamp pilates

If you guessed a), Nice little people, then you are close because NLP does help foster making people more happy. Though the true answer is c), Neuro Linguistic Programming. Now that you know what NLP stands for let me tell you what it means. NLP explores the relationships between how we think, how we express our thoughts and our patterns of behavior and emotion. NLP has the ability to get direct access to our past life experiences stored at deep levels of mind. Then NLP takes these past life experiences and reassembles the connections we had with them to present day connections and creates new possibilities in all areas of life. I’ll be talking about it specifically in regard to friendships1.

Using NLP techniques will allow you to make a distinction between a friend’s behavior and help you look at the meaning you give that behavior. Think about how often the meaning you attribute to someone’s behavior can lead you to a place of frustration and wasted energy, when in retrospect your understanding of that behavior may be inaccurate.

Marilou Seavey2 is an expert with over 25 years of experience in NLP. Seavey says that studies show that only 50% of one’s “mind talk” (perceptions) is correct. If you agree with your mind talk 100% of the day that means that what you perceive things to be are only 50% accurate.  For example, you may inaccurately perceive your friend is upset with you when really she is upset because a loved one is ill. You may dissipate energy focusing on why your friend is upset when your assumption is untrue. The time you spend on this untrue assumption can drain and effect your day. I know this for a fact.

I am grateful to say that I have a true best friend. Her name is Kelly. We have been friends since we met in college over ten years ago. Over the years our lives have gone in as opposite directions as possible. Kelly lives in Oregon with her husband and is in her second year in dental school. I am in California and am teaching and raising my seventh month year old daughter. The one thing we do currently have in common is that we both are extremely busy, just in completely different ways.

Over the past couple of years Kelly and I’s daily phone conversations have turned into a week or couple week conversations. Recently Kelly had finals for school and it had been a long while since we spoke. My “mind talk” was starting to get the best of me. Since the last time Kelly and I had spoken I had some challenges acclimating to being a new mother. Typically I would spill my heart to Kelly first chance we are able to talk, without hesitation. Though time had passed since we had spoken and my mind started to play tricks on me.

It was telling me lies like, Kelly will probably sarcastically think, “Oh your life is really tough Renee. You have to raise your daughter, keep the house up, teach and balance yourself; while I am in dental school, barely able to find time to eat and having to take eleven finals (really had to) in one week.” These thoughts floated through my head and they were starting to affect me and make me not feel great. I began creating all of these hypothetical conversations we might have, me trying to explain myself and why at times being a mom is trying. I even convinced myself after talking to my husband that I would just have to vent to other moms who would instantly understand where I was coming from.

The time came When Kelly was able to call. Before I picked up the phone, for a split second I thought, “Should I even vent and tell her about my challenges being a new mommy or not?”

This was a clear example of how our mind talk and what we perceive is only correct 50% of the time. The second I heard Kelly’s voice and had begun talking and telling her about what had been going on for me it was like all was healed. Even though it had been a long time since we had spoken it was like I had just spoken with her the day before. She may not have been able to relate to me as another mother, but it didn’t matter because she knows me and was able to relate to me as my best friend.

So, next time you begin to focus in on some mind talk that is affecting you in a not so amazing way, ask yourself…Do I know this to be true? The chance that it is true is just about as good as your chance of landing on red playing roulette; fifty, fifty.

 

 

1: If you are interested in more information on NLP in regards to friendship you can sign up to my subscriber list at: www.thefriendshipeffect.com Once my book, “The Friendship Effect” is available I will let you know. There are two chapters dedicated to NLP. Once which teaches a framework which conveys how you can make the distinction in situations with your friends between what is true and what is not, and eliminate inaccurate perceptions. The other chapter explains in great detail effective communication through NLP.

2: Further information on NLP can be found on one of Marilou Seavey’s website: http://www.mindbridgetraining.com.