“The number one predictor of wellbeing is the time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. So if you want to lead a happier life, you ought to take the message in ‘The Friendship Effect’ to heart and mind. Renee Ho has written a lovely book, combining touching stories with important scientific ideas.”
Tal Ben-Shahar, Author of Happier and The Pursuit of Perfect”
“I am thrilled that a book has been created which has the power to better our lives and our world. With a genuine desire and passion to be of service to others, Renee teaches you how to create and sustain true, genuine friendships with anyone who crosses your path, starting with the most important person: yourself. She employs an array of studies, life-changing programs from gurus around the world, and personal relatable stories to assist you in creating life-changing and life-saving relationships. While reading this book you will feel like you have a friend by your side, supporting you and cheering for you. After reading this book you will have been given so much of Renee’s heart through her words that you will consider her a new friend, which I know is her intent.
Raymond Aaron, NY Times Bestseller Author
Double Your Income Doing What You Love”
The Friendship Effect
This book has two parts:
1). Part one: Before you can be a true friend to others you must first be a true friend to yourself.
It’s focus is on being a true friend to yourself, finding your passions and living a life based on what makes you happy; which will inevitably attract more friends your way. Several main points you will learn more about in this section are:
- Be Yourself
- Being genuinely happy in your life equals more friendships.
- The 4 part cure to “Victimitus”(one who doesn’t take responsibility for one’s
actions and behaviors and who feels like everyone is out to get him or her):
- Part 1: Your Mind is your Best Friend.
- Part 2: Keep it simple (“it” being: life or situations). Take action and do something about it or accept it.
- Part 3: Be grateful for what you have.
- Part 4: Be conscious of how you talk to yourself and others: The words you choose can affect you and others positively and or negatively.
2). Part two: How to be, create and sustain long lasting friendships while inevitably
changing the world for the better.
The secrets of friendship which will be revealed in depth in this section are:
- Refrain from judging
- Be a good listener
- Giving Your Friends Advice the Safe and Real Way
- What to do When Meeting Someone for the First Time Through Magical Ease
- Be an effective communicator
- Retrieve information instead of perceiving it
- Be thoughtful
- Solutions Focus Friendships: a framework that concentrates on the solution versus the problem
- Always have high expectations in your friendships
- Keep your friendships healthy
- Keep your life balanced with friendships in them: Portfolio of Passions
- Make friends with creative techniques
- The Trigger Effect
These points may appear simple or, common knowledge. I assure you that the unique strategies and knowledge you will learn about each point will make you an invaluable friend.
An array of studies and life-changing programs from gurus around the world are also embedded throughout parts one and two of this book. These programs will assist you to be able to help friends who are in challenging situations and become an even better communicator in your friendships.
What You’ll Learn
- Improved friendship with yourself
- How to be authentic to yourself
- How to eliminate your character traits that you feel may be less than desirable in your friendships
- How to adapt a less than desirable character trait to friends that is important to you to keep
- Learn why being in a job, school and or life plan you love contributes to you having more friends
- Learn ways to help you begin to look at your job, school or life plan in a more meaningful way
- Learn how being out of work can be one of the biggest opportunities for happiness
- Learn what it is you should passionately do with your life based on Dr. Shahar, author of Happier’s model
- Learn how to utilize the full time you have in each day
- Learn how to refrain from becoming a victim or fall prey to what I call “victimitis”
- Learn the four part cure for victimitis
- Learn the importance of vocabulary and specific examples of effective vocabulary that attracts friendships
- Learn about the importance of a “switch buddy” from Yvonne Oswald, author, speaker, master hypnotist and neuro linguistic processing (NLP) practitioner
- Learn how to “get away” from negativity even if you are physically stuck around it
- Learn the difference between judging a friend and being concerned about a friend
- Learn how to refrain from judging
- How to help a friend who is not ready to be helped
- Friendship sabbaticals and why they are healthy
- How to take advantage of your daily situations to help you make more friends
- Learn how to be an even better listener to your friends
- Learn how to keep in touch with “long distance friends” by not being a “phone abuser” but a “phone user”
- How to end the never ending game of “friend phone tag”
- How to make your friends your number one priority when you are with them
- Learn how to easily create and use a system that will allow you to remember and acknowledge friend’s important dates and events in their lives
- How to be truthful in your friendships and at the same time refrain from hurting your friend’s feelings.
- Be able to realize if your friend’s even ask for your opinion before you give it.
- What most friends really want from you when it comes to their trials and tribulations.
- What to do when you are unable to relate to a friend who is confiding in you.
- The three fold etiquette for allowing yourself to shine versus selling yourself short, while keeping your “sad” friend’s feelings in mind.
- Finding out the truth about if your friends really want your answers to their questions.
- What to do when meeting someone for the first time through a concept I call “Magical Ease”
- Information on Neuro Linguistic Processing (NLP) in regards to friendships
- 5 priceless pieces of information from NLP guru Marilou Seavey on communication
- Detailed descriptions of ineffective and effective communicators, with enclosed forms which allow yourself and others to rate you in each communication area
- Through a NLP framework, you can make the distinction in situations with your friends between what is true and what is not, and eliminate inaccurate perceptions.
- Many ideas and examples of thoughtful acts that can be done towards friends
- Learn about the scale of thoughtfulness
- Learn how to get through some of the most challenging times in your life through a simple technique
- Learn from Solutions Focus guru Mark McKergow on how to apply the life changing Solutions Focus in friendships
- Learn how to help your friends come up with solutions to solve their tribulations immediately
- Learn how to always keep high expectations within your friendships
- How to determine each of your friend’s “shower limits” and choose whether to decrease or increase the limits
- The rule of thumb for unhealthy friendships
- The difference between healthy and un-healthy venting
- How to keep your life balanced with significant others, family, children, work and friendships
- Learn how to create your passion portfolio and always have access to it
- Discover creative friend making techniques in college (living on or off campus), after college, in your job and how to make guy friends without sending off the wrong signal.
- Be given an array of conversation starters specific for each situation above.
- How to successfully arrange a hang out date with a potential friend after initial meeting and conversation.
- Discover a source to answer all of your lingering friendship questions.
- Learn about the “trigger effect” and how the world can be changed by it
- Learn how you can be a part of changing the world by more detailed information from each chapter
- Insight into friendships through personal and relatable stories
- Learn through an array of studies how friendship is essential for a healthy life
- Through an array of studies learn the benefits of friendships and how it can save lives
- You will become part of a revolution for change through the power of friendships
“Renee Ho has added some special vitamins to the recipe for good friendships….she fully understands that being a friend is an ART and she is a great instructor…She guides the reader to use wide brush strokes of understanding, colored with hues of appreciation and loyalty….Reading her book will deepen and enrich your relationships.
John Wayne Schlatter
Contributor to Chicken Soup For The Soul and author of the best selling book I AM A TEACHER”
What you will explore in each chapter
Chapter 1. Be Yourself: Let your true self free: Be yourself versus what you think others will like you for. Once you behave authentically to yourself and let your true self free, people will be attracted to you.
Chapter 2. Your life path and or job should equal happiness, which equals more friendships: Do what you love every day. Life is a treasure which should be utilized to the fullest with passionate and happy events, such as a pleasurable, meaningful job or life plan. Make the most out of the precious commodity of time that many take for granted. Others will attract to you as you live a life full of passion and genuine happiness.
Chapter 3. The Cure to “Victimitus”: Part 1: Your Mind is your Best Friend: Our minds are one of the most powerful tools we have to create happiness and friendships. Learn how to program your mind to create positive versus negative feelings which control our lives. The first of four powerful strategies to cure victimitus (one who doesn’t take responsibility for one’s actions and behaviors and who feels like everyone is out to get him or her) are shared within this chapter.
Chapter 4. Part 2: Keep it simple (“it” being: life or situations). Take action and do something about it or accept it: If something is not making you feel good in any way; a person, an errand that you need to do, etc. choose to keep it simple. Either do something about the person or situation or accept it. Making an active choice about the way you handle the situation will allow you to refrain from focusing and stressing on it which will give you the freedom to enjoy your day to the fullest. Being stress free and making the most of your day will attract others to you.
Chapter 5. Part 3: Be grateful for what you have… “and”…: Choosing to be grateful for what you have in your life versus focusing on what you don’t have will allow you to live a happier life, hence more friendships. Gratitude can be your savior even when some of the most challenging situations in your life arise. If being grateful doesn’t seem to cut it for you in certain situations you will learn another technique in this chapter that will guarantee you feel better when tough times come about.
Chapter 6. Part 4: Be conscious of the vocabulary you use in your life: The vocabulary we use with others and with ourselves determines in large part how others perceive us and how we feel about ourselves throughout the day. You may even be unaware that how you speak could be perceived as negative by others because you’ve been doing it unconsciously for a long time. Learn what is truly positive versus negative vocabulary. Learn how to speak positively through the help of a switch buddy. You will discover the importance of using the right tone of voice when communicating with friends along with getting an introduction to the Trigger Effect.
Chapter 7. Leave the Judging for a Real Judge: Refraining from judging others will eliminate negativity throughout the day and will allow friends to always come to you for genuine support. Take advantage of your everyday environments to make friends versus judging them. Learn how to help friends even when they are not ready to be helped. Discover the importance of friendship sabbaticals and when to take them and return from them.
Chapter 8. Being a Good Listener: You will be taught the importance and skills needed to be an outstanding listener in friendships. Learn how to be a “phone user” versus a “phone abuser” when on the phone with friends. Find out how to end the cycle of “friend phone tag.” Discover how to remember and celebrate your friend’s important dates in life through a Mastery of Acknowledgement system.
Chapter 9. Give Your Friends Advice the Safe and Real Way: Are you unsure if you should give honest answers to your friends questions even if it may be painful to them? When is your advice too much, is there a fine line? Do your friends really want your input or just want confirmation on a decision they already know they want to make? How do you give genuine, real advice and input without hurting your friends feelings and or being to invasive? The answers to all of these questions and more will be revealed in this chapter.
Chapter 10. Be Positive: What to do When Meeting Someone for the First Time though Magical Ease: Positivity will consistently attract genuine friendships to you. Magical Ease is a concoction of tools which will allow you to make anyone you meet feel comfortable around you.
Chapter 11. Effective Communication Equals Friendships: You will learn the importance of effective communication in friendships. You will learn what Neuro Linguistic Processing (NLP) is and how it is valuable in friendships. An leader in NLP will share her expert information in regards to friendship: Two Way Traffic, Communication in the Real World, Ineffective Communication, Effective Communication and Communication in Important Relationships. You will be provided with two appendices to use which will make you an even better communicator which in turn equals an even better friend.
Chapter 12. The Excellence Framework “Retrieve instead of Perceive”: So much time and energy is spent on what we perceive others are feeling about us. Time is precious, it could be better used towards things we love to do than perceiving. The Excellence framework is a communication tool based on NLP, which allows us to refrain from perceiving what others think and communicate better in day to day situations.
Chapter 13. Being Thoughtful: One who is full of thoughts: You will learn how to use your thousands of daily thoughts to be a better friend and create and sustain long lasting friendships. This will be conveyed through an extensive inventory of thoughtful acts you can apply to your friendships. While choosing which thoughtful acts are more suited for you also discover the scale of thoughtfulness.
Chapter 14. Solutions Focus Friendships: A solution based focus which concentrates on focusing on the solution versus the problem. Effective progress will be made in solving difficult obstacles in your life and in the lives of your friends. This focus is an easier and more realistic way of solving problems versus staying complacent in the cycle of consistently venting about problems and making minimal leeway to solve them.
Chapter 15. Always Have High Expectations for Your Friendships: The Friendship Shower Limit: Every friendship has a “shower limit” which conveys how long you and that friend can go without talking or seeing each other before the friendship begins to get “dirty.” Explore what type of shower limits you have with your friends and see if you would like to keep them the way they are or increase or decrease their limits. Learn why it is important in friendships to address tribulations versus letting them slide only to avoid addressing the uncomfortable issue.
Chapter 16. Unhealthy Friendships: Myth or Truth?: Learn about the Unhealthy Friendship Rule of Thumb and how to address and deal with friendships that become unhealthy. Distinguish between healthy and unhealthy friendship venting while learning how to be a healthy venter.
Chapter 17. Keeping Your Life Balanced With Friendships in Them: With spouses, children, jobs and more life gets busy. It is important to balance your life with friendships in them. As long as you have your portfolio of passions always accessible you can create an easy, flowing balance of everything as your life and needs change. You will learn how to balance your life after children and will know what to look for to see if your significant other is demanding your time in an unhealthy way instead of supporting your time with friends. You will be able to consistently re-evaluate your life and it’s needs for balance with your own personal tight rope.
Chapter 18. Creative Friend Making Techniques: This chapter will give you detailed techniques and concrete answers on how to find and make friends in an array of situations, such as: in college (living on and or off campus), after college (graduate school, traveling, moving back in with your family and or parentals), in your job and friendships with guys without seeming like you want more than a platonic relationship. You will be given an array of conversation starters specific for each situation. If you find that being the initiator of conversation questions is intimidating to you then you are in luck because there are ways to put yourself in situations where others can begin conversation with you. Learn the etiquette for exchanging contact information with a potential friend. The secrets will be revealed on how to successfully arrange a hang out date with a potential friend after initial meeting and conversation. You will also discover a source to answer all of your lingering friendship questions.
Chapter 19. Sharing your Friendship Knowledge to Change the World: One Friend or Person at a Time: “The Trigger Effect”: This chapter analyzes how each chapter in the book can change lives and the world through the “trigger effect.” The trigger effect states that: an act you or others negatively carry out will most likely affect others in a negative way and an act that you or others positively carry out will most likely affect others in a positive way.
The Friendship Effect will make your life better and more worth living – whether you desire more friends, want to build relationships with your existing friends or even find that special someone. Renee Ho has packed this book with practical ideas and real-life examples – often from her own experience – to produce great action steps for you to take right away.
Mark McKergow, director of sfwork, the Centre for Solutions Focus at Work and author of international bestseller The Solutions Focus.’